it's been raining the past few days; does weather affect mood?
been thinking too much (as usual), and getting really gloomy. but for what?
felt really sian today, and seriously needed to go out. a last minute and rather unwelcome change of plans meant that i trudged back to hall (actually ling jie jie gave me a ride back, a saving grace in an otherwise shitty day) to sit in my cold room, facing the laptop screen once again. if i'd been given more notice perhaps i would have arranged to go out with someone else, go somewhere else. but if i'm being notified at 4+++, is that fair? i know i'm forgiving towards friends and weak in the face of apologies, but this really isn't the first time, and there are limits. especially cuz i really really wanted some company today.
when people keep saying you neglect them or don't make time for them, perhaps it's time for self-reflection. i believe that friendships shouldn't put unnecessary pressure on the parties involved, but if this is your definition of friendship, then perhaps we're really very different, indeed.
but like steph says, why choose to be angry when i can be happy?
i keep holding myself back, telling myself that it's not the right thing to do. but i hate feeling like i have nobody to turn to, when in fact i do have options but am choosing not to explore them. being alone has its merits, i know. but when i'm craving for human company, i don't know who benefits from all this self-restraint.
and just like that, my tuesday becomes fucked.
