i actually don't really have anything to say, but just felt like writing something. for whom to read i'm not sure, but i just wanted to be heard somehow. after all, the process of writing hinges on these two fundamental principles, do they not? the desire to express one's thoughts, with an audience in mind. like how ugly people make the most noise to attract attention, like how babies cry for milk.
one main reason why i don't seem to have anything specific to talk about is that the week really flew by on hyperspace mode; having 4 driving lessons in 5 school days is taxing, and here i am, complaining that i'm not progressing quickly enough. it's only been a month of intensive lessons, and i'm about 5 lessons away from being totally ready for the practical test (booked for march, btw). when did the novelty wear off and give way to restlessness, i'm not sure, but i really can't wait.
just like how i can't wait to graduate and become a 'real' working adult; i KNOW i'll read this entry in the distant future and ask myself what was i thinking, but right now, it's all i can think about. 12 more school days before T^P2. i don't know what other people got into the profession for, but i certainly did not sign up to rot away in an overly-idealistic place for 2 years of my life. not when i should be working my ass off to get somewhere. it feels almost like i'm on pause mode now.
came across an interesting idea today; what gives our present selves the right to make binding decisions that place obligations on our future selves? like buying things on installment plans that you might not be able to honour. like making irresponsible comments that might come back to haunt us (some people call this karma- i like to think of it as accidental and unfortunate stupidity, which gives me a sense of control over the situation and hence, responsibility). like making decisions now that you might regret in the future (not having babies after being married, getting a tattoo, not studying properly etc etc). if you don't get it, it's ok, but if you do, sit down and think about it for a while.
although i'm no clairvoyant and hence cannot guarantee a life lived with no regrets, i can however promise my future self to continue living and growing as a person, loving those that deserve my love, and doing my best in things that matter. so that my future self will not have the chance to look at my present self (who will be my past self, btw) and be ashamed.
because i owe it to myself to be the change that i want to be.
