i'm slowly but surely becoming The One to avoid; lack of sleep and a fitful state of mind mean i'm more sensitive (or petty, to put it bluntly) as ever, bristling at slights, imagined or real.
and i really hate it.
i think i just need space to breathe. and lessons being 90% over means i can take a step back from everything and just get really stressed over one whole semester of not listening properly during lectures; when it gets too tiresome to interact with people and watch my behaviour, sometimes the sheer predictability of ink on paper is certainly a welcome respite.
i know i really should do something about this; it's not people's fault if i'm not feeling too chipper these days, and definitely not their problem if insomnia is my closest companion these days... again. and it's not fair if i take offense at the lamest jokes or comments.
but i feel like i'm doing more, you know? and i don't mind; just that i feel unappreciated. i'm trying, yes i am, but don't make me out to be the bogeyman here. for friends, i daresay i'm more tolerant. but when i'm trying to tie up loose ends- or rather, finish discussing in detail what was not finalised- and get brushed aside as if i'm a disturbance, i get pissed. i bet i'm not the easiest person to work with; i don't sit there and nod mindlessly, or better still, sit quietly and not contribute at all. and i didn't realise myself how anal i am about little things; but it's all in the details, no?
but i'm taking more than i can bear at this exact stage. so.
so much negative emotions swirling around, going round in circles bouncing off the walls of my head refusing to let me sleep. help.
oh grow up already you didn't really expect a happy ending from all this, did you? friends are like wine- the older they are the better. just like choosing video games or buying clothes without trying them on first cuz they were on sale/ going cheap/ you were lazy; no obligations but you pay for complacency.
because this is work.
on a happier note, met up with my favourite neighbours- always nice, always a sanity check to take a step away from it all and talk about other things. because there's much more to life than N-fucking-I-E. than exams (stress has yet to hit seriously; waiting for the shite to hit the fan first). than the teeny weeny little ant, in the greater scheme of things in the universe, known as me. love love to panda & skinny bitch! *muah*
oh and bought more books today tee hee
my virtually illiterate roomie: "roomie! you bought books AGAIN?? oooh huckleberry finn!"
yarrr i did; crime and punishment; the adventures of huckleberry finn; heidi (???); and alice's adventures in wonderland. oh. i bought a kite, too. would like to fly kite one day; both literally and figuratively. HAHA
