it seems that there's always something missing, something just out of reach. wheather it was something i could have had, or something which i was never meant to have, or even worse, something which i should never have taken.
no matter how hard i try, it's just beyond my reach. it feels like all i have to do is to reach out to grab it, or work harder to attain it. but if i really think about it, that's not really the case either. not all things are attainable through hard work, desire or even the wildest hope. and yet there are also those others you HAVE to learn to let go. on the other hand, was it i who pushed it away? not always.
maybe i'm a fool who doesn't cherish things that come too easily. but then again, can't sustain my interest if it's never going to be within my reach. does that make me realistic, or just a coward? i'm just a rat chasing after a carrot; stupidly chasing after something which, in the end, turns out to be fucked up.why would a rat be chasing after a carrot? like a rabbit looking for.. cheese? ok sorry not funny
but then again, there ARE things out there i cherish more than i want to admit that i do.
like watching Monster House eating too-sweet caramel popcorn and wiping my oily fingers on his jeans and him not complaining THAT much.
like lunches with Pearlyn with dying feet thanks to running around in half-stilettos. and still being late. I HATE YIO CHU KANG.
like buying a trashy PCD album and bopping along with 'buttons'. me likie.
like watching Goong and crying when MY Shin cries. MINE ok. haha
like San San giving me sticky kisses good night.
like ordering in Thai Express at work and stinking up the whole office with pungent tom yum & beef rendang.
i miss the malay food in engin canteen.. my malay wife i should have married.. oh sambal what i wouldn't do for you! (totally out of point)
none of this makes sense? it's ok; i'm writing for an audience of one anyway, and he probably doesn't understand either, cuz all engin kids are like that. :)
